About Nora Femenia

Nora Femenia, Ph.D, is the CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions and the author of the book The Art of Living with a Passive Aggressive Husband, a field guide for women that have to deal with passive aggression in their partners. Nora also post regularly to her blog Creative Conflicts. Visit her blog and join the community to discuss issues related to Conflicts, Relationships and receive Free her book “Breaking Free From The Silent Treatment”

Does passive aggressive behavior hurt you?

Many relationships begin to suffer due to frequent miscommunication and passive aggressive behavior

Fotolia_8177157_XS[1]

You may say or do one thing, which your wife misinterprets or doesn’t understand at all, leading her to act in a rejecting way that is unsatisfactory to your emotional needs.

If you feel your marriage is wracked by fights and anger based on miscommunication, it’s possible that you’ve been accused (more than once) of not being “open” enough with your wife, taking her for granted and/or hiding your opinions from her.

She may have even used the label “passive aggressive.”

Perhaps, after all this, you’re reaching the limits of your frustration (or she is reaching hers) and an irrevocable blow to the marriage is the only thing you see on the horizon: divorce.

If this option is not what you want, if a loving marriage with your wife is what you truly desire to have but aren’t sure how to achieve, we’d like to ask you to think deeply for a moment.

Isn’t it possible that the traits in yourself that you call your “personality” – reserved, brooding, emotionally and physically sparing with loved ones – are not only causing problems in the relationship, but are not really your personality at all? (Remember that this is called: “passive aggressive behavior.”) What if those ways of acting that your wife has continually termed “passive aggressive” and “sabotage” are really behaviors that you’ve learned early on life or taught to your own brain without realizing it?

In working with our male clients in this situation, asking themselves the same thing, the answer is hard to define because this is the only way you know how to interact with others. If this is not your “natural” (born with it) personality, how are you supposed to act instead? It may be a daunting task to look at this situation, but trust us, you cannot afford to put the matter to the side.

At the core of our selves are very basic human needs for love and connection. Often, neither party in a struggling marriage knows how to give voice to those needs and ask for a nurturing or fulfillment of those needs. Thus, marital grief can continue to escalate as long as one or more people (here, the wife) feel taken for granted and ignored. Even when it is a basic skill, partners need to develop a reciprocal atunement to the partner’s emotional needs, in order to take care of providing satisfaction and emotional support and attention. Can this situation be improved? If so, how?

Conflict Coach is using their research findings to help passive aggressive men heal the behaviors that are causing miscommunication and pain in their present marriage. They guide you to identify for yourself the lessons of your childhood, (when and how did you learn to be reserved, isolated and block others out) and appraise how both your needs for love are being suppressed (by your own brain!) as well as how you are suppressing those needs in your wife.

The truth remains that this “defensive”  behavior is destroying any intimacy you were able to build within your marriage.

Your wife feels condemned to loneliness by your withdrawal and silent days, and you are also trapped in a lonely jail of your own making.

Conflict Coach is inviting frustrated husbands like yourself to identify what inner forces are sabotaging their marriages by using new resources specifically designed for men.

It is now possible to take a free, short on-line test on Conflict Coach’s new website, Passive Aggressive Test.
The test is an intelligent strategy for getting to know your personalized communication style. Whether the results are normal, passive aggressive, or mixed, you can know exactly where you are on the spectrum, and this crucial definition can then be explained to your wife.

For men interested in assessing themselves and learning how to heal miscommunication and conflict in their marriage, the next step is taking the Passive Aggressive Test.

In the event that some of your behaviors are passive aggressive, you  will receive immediate options for change from Conflict Coach’s  new revolutionary product: the “4-Steps-Relief-Plan-for-Passive-Aggression, composed by  life-changing behavioral strategies, coaching and community support.